Verily, 'tis been a long dry spell for the Cap'n. And yet, it's mainly because I have been trying to RAISE THE BAR and not just blow every Latino I see. Not that I'm seeing many, lately. My new office is about as white as the population of Provo.

I worry I'm going down a road of celibacy, or that the 13-year-old girl inside me is trying to find a nautical equivalent of Team Jacob, and so I'm bloody saving myself.

Furtive cam sessions have been my ONLY release and now, even that I'm hesitant to do. A) it's gotten boring - no one ever talks and I like the VERBAL! B) Now that my new job demands some discretion, camming isn't really an option.

But at least I'm not this guy! While trolling craigslist, I saw this and the rules this guy had were wacked out! He's Asian, so the English has to be forgiven:


1. Please be under 45 years old! :-)
2. Please I am into only gay guys, NOT bi guys...
3. Please don't send me a message
if you are geeky like gamers and anime etc..
4. Please do not talk about sex at the beginning! :-)
5. Please be educated, intelligent, and gentle! :-)
6. Please don't send me any your dirty dick pics or stink
ass pics! :-)
7. Please send me your current face pic at first if you
wanna know about me! :-)


Mmmm ... potatoes! Who wouldn't want to apply to be his friend? If only I had more than stink ass pictures to send him!

Inspired, I made up my seven rules. Notice how I, too, am polite and say please, like my mother taught me:

1) Please have an ID certifying I won't go to jail for having sex with you :-)
2) Please be male and have papers certifying you have always been male, and were not once named Chastity :-)
3) Please send me a message if you like D&D or Magic, but don't always play with Red/Black decks, that is boring, dude :-)
4) Please tell me what your sexual limits are at the beginning. If you ain't cool with pushing boundaries, I'm better off throwing you back :-)
5) Please be too stupid to have your own opinions, and simply agree with mine, as I am smarter than you anyway :-)
6) Please send me chest pics, bicep pics, dick pics, and face pics in that order, as that's the order of importance for me:-)
7) Please don't ask anything about me, I captain a pirate ship and would have to run you through if you know too much:-)

I expect a plethora of new friends from this post by tomorrow.

Today's Sea Shanty:


I've been licked, washed up for years
And I merely survive because of my pride
- Many Rivers to Cross - Jimmy Cliff