From the journals of Cap'n Jonas Porksword
Eleventh, March in the Year of our Lord, Two-Thousand and Ten:

Arrr, I be tired from fighting off the hordes of deep-sea deviants. We docked at an event for sexual suffragettes, and it wore me down to the nub of my peg leg (even encased in a latex sheath as it was!)

I endured transgendered tritons with slanted and broken dental work whom I mentally nicknamed "Tusky." She kept pushing closer and closer to me, and I ended up dashing away to pretend to help a husky lass from the Isle of Lesbos look at frontal enhancement technology rings.

Fleet Admiral Fistus flirted with a young slave lad from the dungeons of Kentucky and the sight fair turned me lunch to bilge. Fistus is a potbellied nellie of a man and whilst he's commanded the fleet for several years, I find myself unable to pay him any respect.

This is partially because of events such as occurred yesterday. In discussing new color schemes for the ships of the line, I showed him how we'd been using the same paint on all ships, it sometimes looked different in a wanted poster, because paint on metal is different frome paint on paper.

He wanted to find some color that would stay the same in bright sunlight or dark night on the ships. I stroked my beard, unable to know what to say to the man. In bright light or absence of light, color shifts.

Crackers offered only a curt "SQUAWK! Perhaps we can just change the laws of physics for you, too?"

I be fairly certain he didn't hear that, though.

Sea Chanty of the Day:

I used to rule the world
Seas would rise when I gave the word
Now in the morning I sleep alone
Sweep the streets I used to own

- The Minstrels of Coldplay